Oh… H2…

I’m watching Clash of the Gods on H2 right now because… it’s on. To be fair, I changed the channel to H2 on lunch (I work from home) because the channel the television had been on was airing Wendy Williams and I’d rather douse myself in gasoline and light myself on fire slowly with flint and steel than listen to her “How you doin’?” for another damn minute.

Seriously, I have an almost unhealthly level of loathing for that woman, her constant vanity, terrible advice and opinions on everything in the world, her terrible walking stereotype of the ‘sassy black woman’, and her insipid attitude about everything. She is a damn joke in my house. I have black friends that hate her, her weaves and her damn shoe cam.

And, since it was 12:15 central on a Thursday, H2 was the only thing that had anything of remote entertainment value on other than Al Jazeera news network, but… I can only handle so much news on September 11th. I get that it was a tragic day in our history and such, but I’m kind of tired of mourning it -and I was on the phone with a lady in NYC as she watch a plane hit one of the WTC towers at work, and we aren’t any damn safer and we are a whole lot less free. But… I digress.

So… Clash of the Gods. You know, when this show first came out I bought it on DVD at Walmart for like $10. That should have been sign number 1 of how quality it was. I remember watching it all the way through once and thinking, “huh. Well, now, there is some information in some of these episodes I do not recall seeing anywhere in my primary source research before. I shall have to do some digging.”

Which I did. I didn’t find this information they claimed as fact… these… professors from colleges. So what the heck are they talking about?

I can forgive some bad information on Wikipedia… on Disney programs and so forth. But… on a show on a channel that was long associated with trying to portray itself as educational… please. Even if you were going to try to put a different spin on it, at least get the myths right.

How to get started with Dionysos

Three. Three Sannion reblogs in a row, ah, ah, ah.

Saving for posterity. I get asked by locals a lot on how to get started with certain Greeks. Dionysos comes up quite often. I don’t work directly with Dionysos as intensely as some do, so this is a good reference to keep in my blog to direct people too.

Is Z. Budapest a terrorist?

Okay, I know, two Sannion reblogs in a row. But… I was at DragonCon while these were blogged, hush. But…

Sadly, this doesn’t surprise me either. Z. Budapest has honestly become that crazy aunt you don’t even like to invite over for holidays anymore because the whole time she sits in the corner, drinking way too much Egg Nog while bitching about how the blacks, Mexicans and Asians are takin’ over her country and don’t we know that our president is really an Alien because she saw it on the cover of The Weekly World News…

I don’t take her seriously at all anymore. She’s become a joke in my book. After the stunt against the trans women a few years ago… just, no. If the pagan community wants to grow, it needs to stop letting individuals like this label themselves as leaders. Now, while I understand the pagan (and mostly Wiccan) visceral reaction to the suggestion of a hierarchical order of things… because “Oh noes! Organized religion and dogma and rules OH MY!” You can’t hold people accountable for bad behavior if you don’t have any actual set expectation for behavior of those you have your younger members look up to.

Another day, another BNP behaving badly.

Is this the kind of deplorable crap I’ve missed hiding away in my home, sick as shit, avoiding the greater pagan community? Reprehensible behavior from so-called BNP? I’m not really surprised, sadly, and I know that the blog I’m linking from is a few days old now… but good lord.

I kind of want to go back to hiding now. I avoided mainstream paganism to try to heal myself, at least I wasn’t missing much in my absence.

This man is a degenerate. At least I can sleep well knowing hubris is generally punished swiftly.

It Will Be

So, my last real update here was on February 26, 2014. I am not proud to admit that I stepped almost entirely away from my religious and spiritual life since not long after that until about a week ago. Sure, there were moments where I would look longingly over at my household altars, clean them up a bit, and think of doing… something (even just a hymn of honor and an offering) but couldn’t bring myself to do much beyond an apologetic sigh of, “I haven’t forgotten you, I’m just… can’t.”

I hate the word can’t. It feels like a cop out. I know that isn’t entirely true, there are points in our lives where we are actually incapable of doing certain things. I hit a brick wall and the only way I was going to get passed it was if I was ready to do so. That’s what it was. I was not falling to my knees and begging, pleading and praying for the gods to come down and alleviate my pain. None of it; not my psychological, emotional, financial or physical pains. I just was going to suck it up and tough it out.

Ethical Polytheism

Brilliant, and said better than I ever could.

Ares in Chains

Yes. A thousand times yes. And more from me when my health has stopped sucking, I swear.

Aspis of Ares

One of the things that I think is important to discuss in the onus of the recent sexual abuse allegations within the pagan community is the theological importance we levy to our gods. Sannion touched on this briefly, but I wanted to expound on the myth of Ares’ trial for the retributive murder of Hallirhothios and the story’s theological and instructive value to both the polytheist community and pagans who assert archetypal philosophies.

The myth is summed up as follows: Hallirhothios, a son of Poseidon, rapes (and this time in the myth, rape definitely means “sexually assaults”) Ares’ daughter Alkippe. Upon learning of the assault, Ares kills Hallirhothios. Poseidon, of course, is pissed, and so brings Ares to trial. Assembled before the rest of the gods, Ares and Poseidon give their cases, and the gods acquit Ares of wrongdoing; the place of the trial is renamed the Areopagus and becomes a…

View original post 549 more words

Well, it’s been a while, hasn’t it?

I have been everywhere but here, it seems. But, this page is not wholly abandoned. I would open it, look at it, try to think of something witty to say and words would fail me. I am in a period of recovery.

So Much

Well, for starters, I went off my anti-psychotic. Funny thing, it had actually been making me crazier. To the point where my friends, family and husband were about ready to tell me to piss off for good. So, since I couldn’t afford the refill, I just quit cold turkey. That was about a month ago. Other than a few things that medication can’t fix, I feel great! I’m not manic for the first time in almost a year.

That’s the good news.

The bad news is that I am a terrible friend. I have a friend that is in the hospital pretty much all the time. It hurts me too much to go see her because I can’t bear to watch her slowly die. Which is what this feels like. Surgery after surgery after surgery. Nothing seems to help.

Most everything else in my life is on hold while I deal with that and prepare for Dragon*Con. I am once again going to be part of the Greek Mythology cosplay group. Cosplaying as Hestia for the second year in a row. Completely revamped my costume to make it more comfortable for walking in a long parade in the Atlanta sun. It is not even close to historically accurate, but that is the beauty of cosplay. Maybe pictures after D*C is over.

An Open Letter to John Barrowman

Dear John,

I’ll preface by saying I know you’ll never see this and that is quite alright with me. I don’t fangirl, I grew up with my father knowing many popular musicians on a first name basis that I am kind of desensitized by celebrity. I know you are just a man, a wonderful man at that, and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable by what I feel the need to put out there for others to see.

But you see, John, I’m sick. It’s an invisible illness that doesn’t get a fair shake in this country and a lot of people self-diagnose it online then throw themselves at the feet of people like Carrie Fisher because they feel a certain kinship with them. Mental health isn’t a joke, it isn’t something I fake for attention and it certainly isn’t something I enjoy. I suffer and sometimes by watching these girls at conventions stand up before a crowd of people they’ve never met and proclaim to a celebrity about how the celeb’s strength and openness has “saved” them, I can’t help but wonder if they really are mentally ill or they just want attention and a chance to feel close to someone.

This isn’t a picnic. I hate it. If I could give it away at a moment’s notice, I would. No second thoughts. No regrets. Surviving mental illness is a misnomer. I’ve been inpatient, I’ve been in group therapy with truly ill people. You don’t survive this stuff, you suffer. Some days are better than others, but that’s it. You wake up and think, “today doesn’t suck quite as bad as yesterday did” and that’s a good day. If I have a day where I don’t go, “is there a television on upstairs or am I hearing voices again?” it’s a good day.

Treatment is a crapshoot. Medications may or may not work depending on your body chemistry and all that. Some days are absolutely hopeless. You, as you struggle just to live, watch your friends and family struggle with trying to help you and not having any means to actually do so. Borderline Personality Disorder is not a joke. Generalized Anxiety Disorder is not a joke. And certainly, Bipolar Disorder is not a joke. No person that actually has these disorders wants to have them.

Enter where you come in. Last August and September (2012) I, a Wisconsin native, was in Atlanta for Dragon*Con. I’ll admit, while I am a Doctor Who fan, I never watched Torchwood so I really had no idea who you were beyond what other people have said about you. But my dear friend Kate assured me that I should at least say hi, maybe get an autograph, and that your energy would just brighten what was a really dark time for me with my illness. Not that I expected anything less, but your kindness, your smile and even just taking a moment to compliment my eyes were enough to lighten my mental load for the rest of the convention.

This was not for any superficial reason. This was not for a crush. This was because it was obvious that you are an extraordinary person who just exudes joy in a highly contagious way. It’s hard to explain, because when a person, namely me, loses all hope in medicine, in doctors, in therapists, in the world and the people in it, just knowing that someone somewhere finds joy in life gives me a kick in the mental pants to tell me that it is not all lost. That some day, I can be happy again and things will get better.

I’ll admit, things have been on a downward spiral since Dragon*Con last year, and I feel some days like I’m grasping for straws to keep me afloat. But if I’m in my office, I look up at your autograph and remember your kindness and I have faith again. On the bad days, I watch videos or look at photos you post on Facebook and I can find the strength to smile. On the really dark and bleak days, I re-listen to episodes of the Nerdist that you are on. Because your kindness and your joy, they are contagious. Keep being you, you are amazing. Because by being you, you are helping an ill woman in Wisconsin hold on to a shred of hope that finding joy again is possible.

~ Dawn in Wisconsin

PS. I am very happy for you and Scott. Congratulations.