February 22, 2015
I wanted to put this up here so everyone has ample warning. In a week or two. Or maybe three… I’m ending this blog officially. I will probably delete this account. I have exported the useful content and will be importing it over to a different account. The problem is this: my interests are too diverse and my focus shifts so often throughout the year that to have any blog devoted to just one aspect of my life means it is going to get neglected severely. As this one has.
I am not just my beliefs. I am not just my hobbies or my literary interests. I am a mixture of all those things. My focus throughout the year shifts with the lunar cycle and the season… and where my brain is.
If your interested in continuing to follow me, no matter how erratic the posting frequency or topics are, I’ll provide a link to that account in a day or two once I have it set up in a more… manageable manner. But, that’s not only going to have my religious and spirtuality stuff, but probably some more genealogy in there as well. Mixed in with my other interests like movies, books, comics (so many good ones right now, too), games, food… My life is a hodge-podge of interests.
Maintaining a gazillion blogs is just too much. Seriously. Also, trying to start this new thing where I avoid ranting if I can. For my mental health well-being.
October 31, 2014
It’s been a few weeks and frankly, I’m exhausted.
Work had a two-day Summit early this week which always runs me down. As a fairly introverted individual I find extended socialization with people I don’t share a great deal of interests with physically exhausting, on top of it is a lot of corporate rah-rah stuff, I worked a great number of extra hours and I never had time to really rest from that to recharge. Wednesday we had an electrician come after work to replace our dead ceiling fan/light and found out that the one from the previous tenant was never anchored properly and was not far from crashed down (lovely!). Yesterday I was packing because today I’m leaving for the weekend.
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October 3, 2014
So, yesterday morning’s Social Justice Warrior crap hit me in a prodromal migraine period, which means that I stewed on it all day as I threw together that epic rant. I posted it after the migraine had subsided enough for me to proofread enough for some degree of coherency, figured it was okay and toddled off to bed. What could go wrong?
I need to stop thinking that. The universe and creation seem to take it is as a challenge to my psyche. I’m postdromal today which makes me a little more emotional than I care for, but, my husband thinks this circumstance is completely warranted. Allow me to share.
I went to the end of the driveway to get my mail today after work -since I am blessed to work from home, started digging through the unusually large stack of mail and spotted a familiar mint-green envelope that I really should not be receiving anymore. Actually, I should have stopped receiving this damn envelope after a certain meeting happened near the end of 2012 when I had enough and formally stepped down from the role of President of the organization I had founded, financed (almost entirely on my own), put a good 75% of the work into on my own and ran.
I was burned out, I was bitter and cynical. Everyone in the pagan community had an opinion. Everyone wanted something that I couldn’t offer them for an endless number of reasons: I didn’t have the money to put it together, the resources, the training, the knowledge… But, that meant I wasn’t suiting their immediate needs. No one wanted to step up and help. I was their paragon of pagandom. By stepping up at 22 years old (at the time this venture was put together) and filling a void in the community, I had somehow become a magical wish-dispensing machine for the pagans in the entire portion of my state upon which to make demands.
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October 2, 2014
Hold on to your asses, things are about to get offensive and my give a shit… is so far gone if you want to make a dolly of me and burn it in some fucked up version of effigy… go for it. Have at it. You go on with your bad self because I am so many levels of done with this Social Justice Warrior bullshit I kind of wish thunderbolts would shoot down from the sky and strike dead every asshole guilty of this shit, or strike me dead so I don’t have to put up with it anymore. Also, if you have a low tolerance for cussing… this is probably not the best thing to continue reading because I’m going to cuss… a lot.
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September 8, 2014
So, my last real update here was on February 26, 2014. I am not proud to admit that I stepped almost entirely away from my religious and spiritual life since not long after that until about a week ago. Sure, there were moments where I would look longingly over at my household altars, clean them up a bit, and think of doing… something (even just a hymn of honor and an offering) but couldn’t bring myself to do much beyond an apologetic sigh of, “I haven’t forgotten you, I’m just… can’t.”
I hate the word can’t. It feels like a cop out. I know that isn’t entirely true, there are points in our lives where we are actually incapable of doing certain things. I hit a brick wall and the only way I was going to get passed it was if I was ready to do so. That’s what it was. I was not falling to my knees and begging, pleading and praying for the gods to come down and alleviate my pain. None of it; not my psychological, emotional, financial or physical pains. I just was going to suck it up and tough it out.
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February 26, 2014
I have been everywhere but here, it seems. But, this page is not wholly abandoned. I would open it, look at it, try to think of something witty to say and words would fail me. I am in a period of recovery.
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June 11, 2013
I am getting quite weary of my body hating me at this point. It’s making it nigh impossible to want to do anything on a remotely religious or spiritual front. It’s making it nigh impossible to want to do anything, period. The only thing really giving me joy is tending my garden, but lately my body just gives up partway through and I end up taking an epic nap.
See, if it was just the mental disorders, I’d probably be fine. After all, I’ve been dealing with that the better part of my life. But lately… ugh.
I spent last Monday night in the Emergency Room with heart palpitations. Mostly tachycardia. Mostly this seemed to be caused by withdrawal of a medication because my pharmacy ran out and refused to call around to find some so that I could remain medicated. The ER gave me a dose of meds, my heart settled down and I went home.
Except that it hasn’t completely settled down. My chest has been tight, on and off, for weeks. I get pain in my chest here or there. Even walking across a room leaves me short of breath. To top it off, while I am overweight, I’ve lost 20 lbs in about a month and a half without even really trying. That is sort of a warning sign that something is going on. Add to that the fact that I’ve had a headache for pretty much every day for the paste three months and I’m just getting real sick of my body being screwed up.
I have a follow up appointment tomorrow, but as is par for course, I’m pretty sure my heart, chest and lungs will behave as normal for the doc so I look like a hypochondriac.
May 29, 2013
If you’ve been following this blog since the beginning, or maybe know me in person, or via other outlets… you may have noticed a trend:
I am becoming quite jaded and bitter about the greater pagan community. Wiccans, fluffies, recons, eclectics, pseudo-atheists… and all those I didn’t name… I’m coming to hate you with a vitriol that sometimes frightens even myself. So much irritates the crap out of me.
I’ve been struggling to come up with a nice coherent post here about how things are going, how I’m finally replacing my broken Ares statues, how proud I am of the “hearth” I have set up in my kitchen and how wonderfully homey it makes this new place feel with an idol of Hestia looking on as I knead my bread dough… but I’m struggling because I keep getting knocked off balance by some stupid thing that falls out of the mouth of a pagan I have some connection to.
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May 13, 2013
So, I moved.
Well, more correctly, we moved. We also acquired another cat. Allow me to explain:
On Sunday, April 14th, the woman in the other half of the duplex found a cat that her two Jack Russel Terriers had corners in the bushes. She picked up the cat and brought her to me since she didn’t have any cat supplies. Cat was so sweet, purred at being picked up, but dirty and extremely underweight -she was skin and bones. Because the moving truck was coming on the 17th, there was no possible way I could have kept the cat quarantined until I could get her to a vet to check for a microchip. So, I called Animal Control and I told the officer when she arrived if the cat didn’t have a home could someone please let me know.
Moving did not go as planned,
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April 12, 2013
I meant to start this weeks ago, when I signed up for the Pagan Blog Project, as a way to get me blogging more often and hopefully on less rant-y topics. But, amid all of this my husband and I found a new house -technically duplex, and have been frantically preparing to move. His work schedule is making it difficult to help much, but we’re working on it. Today is Friday, April 12th. The moving truck arrives between 8 and 9 am on Wednesday, April 17th. Time is running out.
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